Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Take The Parking Spots Out Of Hungry Franklin Village Residents' Mouths

Attention peace-loving residents of Franklin Village! Do you enjoy the speed and convenience with which you park your vehicles along nearby Canyon Drive? The fate of your parking now hangs in the balance—and do-gooding supercouple Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are likely to blame. Two upcoming meetings—one at Hollywood Presbyterian Church and one at City Hall—will address the transformation of this once restriction-free parking Eden into a dreaded TPPD, or Temporary Preferential Parking District. Translation: Give up all hope ye who park here, you're going to come back to a ticket. The reason? According to grassroots parking activists franklinvillage.org, the TPPD is the direct result of a UMP, or Unusual Media Presence. Translation: Lets prevent those dirty paps from camping out outside the home of our gorgeous new neighbors, the Pitt-Jolies!

Protester Melanie Hughs told animalnewyork.com, "This was spurred by an alleged heavy paparazzi presence on the street because of the Pitts, but they're never here...The private homes all have driveways and the apartment buildings here, many don't have parking. Now we'll have more congestion on the streets, and get more tickets on street sweeping days." Damn you, Pitt-Jolies! The parking rich get richer, while the rest of us shmucks have to hike the three long blocks from our Koreatown apartment to our cars, only to find a $75 ticket on the windshield and a selection of surly men seated on the bumper, playing some El Salvadorian version of craps! (OK, we moved from that place three years ago, but we're still scarred from the experience.)