Wednesday, May 30, 2007

For Your Fake Consideration: 'Five Towns'


Hoping to land a coveted Fake Emmy nomination for long-suffering, easily wounded actor Johnny "Drama" Chase, the Entourage team has taken out a For Your Consideration ad in today's Variety for Five Towns, the breakout B-story hit that occasionally distracts viewers from the tiresome on-again, off-again romance between younger brother Vince and cartoonishly foul-mouthed--but secretly tender--lover Ari at the center of the current, disappointing season of the HBO series. To complete the reality-blurring illusion, Chase has also "written" a First Person essay about the emotional brutality of awards season:

Well let's hope the TV Academy makes up for past injustices, because being a working actor is nice, but being an Emmy nominee, well that would change everything. Being a nominee would mean never again going back East and having people say, "How you doing?" as though I'm a cancer survivor. They'll know how I'm doing. They'll know I'm an Emmy nominee. 'Cause they can cancel your series and they can let your SAG health insurance expire, but they can never take away that nomination certificate.

Of course, we all know where this is going: the cursed Drama will eventually be passed over for the nod, deprived of the thrill of seeing his name prominently displayed on a suck-up ad from the Miller/Gold Agency, and sent into yet another tail-spin (a bottle of cheap booze and a Viking helmet will inevitably be involved) that can only be halted by a group hug with his little bro, Turtle, and E and a weekend of mind-clearing whoring in a $10,000 per night suite at the Palms.