CAA's Latest Pricey Menu Offering: Itself
I'm told the talent agency is putting on dog and pony shows for venture capitalists at its Century City mausoleum and asking whether they're interested in buying a piece of CAA for their very own.
This is the direct result of the cash crunch at CAA I've been reporting for many months now.
Now I understand why that Fortune magazine article went only a millimeter deep about problems at the agency; it clearly was a prospectus for CAA and should have been labeled as such.
Only problem is, I doubt the inexperienced reporter even knew he was being played.
Whereas Fortune assistant managing editor John Brodie has been Hollywood's (and CAA's) official publicist -- actually, more like apologist -- since his incompetent Variety days.
Still, I'm amazed not only that CAA's partners have spent themselves into such a humiliating position as to need financial backers, but that they have the chutzpah to solicit the suckers within weeks of an inevitable strike.
On the one hand, CAA agents can no longer fly first class.
On the other, they can waste $88 on the Wagyu 12 oz. rib-eye steak, $96 on a 6 oz Wagyu sirloin, and $92 on roasted and braised baby lamb.
Did I mention that even the side dish of assorted mushrooms is $21?
But only the best for our Bryan. (After all, Lourd fathered Craft's $8 million arrival here with the Trammell Crow real estate developers. All so that stars can sneak in through the kitchen to the specially reserved rear booth...)
Because of the price revulsion, Craft finally introduced two sandwiches and a prix fixe $38 three course meal at lunch. So I can't understand why Endeavor's Ari Emanuel would allow himself to be seen there.
Wagging tongues say the main sticking point is that Joel can't be certain of which clients would follow him.
Yet an Endeavor source insists to me the rumor is not true and may have started because Whitesell and Joel are good friends. "But they keep business separate," I'm told.
Meanwhile footsoldier agent Michael Peretzian is leaving CAA.
Fortune magazine CAA Puffery Piece
Newsstand vendors need to group the latest Fortune magazine with Hustler, Big Butt and Juggs.
Because, just as I predicted, the business publication has given CAA a whore-worthy blow job in that article I told you was coming and is now online.
Read it only if you don't mind nausea induced by uncritical writing and reporting.
Worse, there is not even one new fact even though the mag spent months and months on the piece (which borrows heavily from my own proprietary reporting without once crediting me).
And Fortune doesn't even know it was Broder Webb, not CAA, who packaged Grey's Anatomy.
Or, that CSI and its spinoffs are all split packages between UTA and CAA.
Or, that CAA poached Sandy Bullock from UTA, not ICM.
Also, I can't believe the mag perpetuates this fiction dating back to Ovitz days that CAA doesn't want publicity.
In fact, Bryan Lourd is among the most manipulative media maneuverers in Hollywood, especially when the reporting starts to focus on himself.
Most journalists know not to believe anything Richard Lovett says because he's such an incorrigible liar.
So is Lourd, but he packages himself better since he feigns sincerity so well.
I keep railing against the no-balls Hollywood journalism that keeps filling the news and feature wells of major publications, but then again I understand why it exists: the product of lazy writers with no sources, stupid editors with low standards, corrupt managers with Big Media agendas.
Clearly, Fortune and Portfolio must be competing with one another for the title of Official Hollywood Pornographer.
Don't be surprised if future issues come with a box of condoms.
